Your Mental Wellbeing

 YOU CAN DO IT ALL...

As long as you take mental breaks

Who wants to lye on their death bed with regrets? Wishing they would've done more but didn't find the time to? Whether we work too hard while neglecting family & friends, or spend too much time with family & friends while neglecting our life-long dreams & goals, people tend to wish that there were more hours in the day to do it all. 

Now... I may not know everything, but I do think that I'm pretty correct when I say that sleep is important for our health. If you've ever been awake for more than 3 days in a row, then you'd know! (The body begins to slow down like an outdated machine.) With that, how do we prioritize our waking hours?

Speaking for myself, I've learned how essential it is to give myself a mental & emotional rest. That's right! Haven't you ever been haunted by mind chatter? Or been surrounded by a group of people stressed out about coordinating a major function such as a wedding, an awards show or a gala, and before you know it, you're ready to pull your hair out of your head because their nervous energy is so contagious? Well, check out my little story... (It's all relevant to how this post started)

This week I performed at the KatWalk Katerers fashion show in Manhattan, making my entrance through a second floor fire escape where I walked up & down steps from building to building with a wireless microphone. Prepping for it was fun, but it took long hours getting ready for hair & make-up, plus rehearsing with 3 other models who accompanied me by dancing on different parts of the fire escape. When it was all said and done, the audience loved it! (Which is the most important part) But being back stage in a room filled with models, make-up artists, designers, and photographers became a little chaotic. 

I've also had an Anthology (A Collection of Short Stories) to edit this week, my novel that I'm still wrapping up; I'm prepping for more upcoming live performances, and I'm still working on new material (music) with other producers - and one more thing, I have additional scenes to film for my next music video coming soon... (Yeah, and that's not all, but I think you get the point at how crazy my schedule can get - like yours, I'm sure!)

Now... with all this going on, wouldn't it be wise for me to stop and take a breather? Of course! But a pause is just a pause; it doesn't mean you stop it all together, or quit one thing to have time for another. (For example, you don't have to choose family over your career, or choose your career over your family) You see, with a pause, we can meditate, take a bubble bath, pray at a temple or church, do yoga, read a book, and/or watch a beautiful movie, etc. And those simple pleasures allow us to let go of it all for just a little while. Throughout that time (let's say while meditating), we can listen to our intuitive voice within that lets us know what needs to be omitted (discarded), and what can stay. This is the process of de-cluttering negativity. which can come in the form of negative projects, negative relatives, and/or negative living environments, etc) Thus, if our little voice inside says that we can do it all, then believe it! All you need are positive projects & people for the energy to flow smoothly like a breath of fresh air! A living example is Oprah who is a one woman empire - with television shows, a magazine, her own network, books on her life, and  even acting roles in movies!!! (Now you're getting to see who one of my inspirations are)

The thing is, there's never too much work. (Nope. I don't believe it's ever too much.) When we say it's too much, we limit ourselves from expanding/growing. I just believe that we should carve out time for meditation by making it a PRIORITY. (Yes, carving out time for a bubble bath can become a priority if it means that for one hour, you relax so when you're finished, you're in a better mood, feeling good and thinking clearly.)  Oh believe me, I'm sure Oprah does it too!

One of the keys to success is that you're at mental peace with yourself & your life. Because if you're not, then you'll become forgetful, irritable, angry, unapproachable, and hard to work with. But guess what? If you're in high spirits, you'll attract people who want to help, more opportunities will present themselves, and even more love (healthy friendships & relationships) will develop because of your strong, clear & positive attitude! If you don't believe me, then read the ZEN list below and see how much better you'll feel just by taking it all in. Here's to taking a break! 

• Zen is more of an attitude than a belief.
   
• Zen is the peace that comes from being one with an entity other than yourself.
   
• Zen means being aware of your oneness with the world and everything in it.
   
• Zen means living in the present and experiencing reality fully.
   
• Zen means being free of the distractions and illusory conflicts of the material world.
   
• Zen means being in the flow of the universe.
   
• Zen means experiencing fully the present, and delighting in the basic miracle of life itself. 

Coffee OR Tea? Is like Writing -VS- Editing

 CHISELING A STORY INTO ITS MASTERPIECE

It's taking me years to complete my first novel. Between writing the first draft which, in its own special right is its own special monster (because you have to unblock fears in order for the story to flow out), you then have to rewrite, rewrite, rewrite, rewrite and den some, which is almost a never ending battle because a perfectionist never thinks their story is good enough when they keep finding ways to make it better. But suddenly, something inside knows when it's time to give birth. Ready or not, the universe propels you to move forward and share your work of art with the world! And so you take your chances. Now... when you send it off, guess what is the last step before putting it into print? Editing!

Usually, an author doesn't edit their own work. They send it off to an extra pair of eyes, and if their that serious, they send it off to a couple of people - the more the merrier! And after their ghost writers or editors finish their job, the publisher has their own in-house editor that gives the book its last shave. But here's the deal: Would you rather write your own novel, or edit someone else's?

To me, it's like choosing between coffee or tea. Both drinks keep you up during long work hours, both are somewhat healthy to digest, and both are faithful companions that will stick with you throughout the entire process - since their addicting. But the truth is that most people prefer one over the other, and rarely drink both. You're either a coffee drinker or a tea lover. Me? Well, I love coffee & and I like tea. (And to be even more specific, I prefer Dunkin Donuts over Starbucks any day - not because of the atmosphere, but because of their killer, delicious hash browns!)

Okay... so here's my coffee & tea comparison to writing & editing. Even though writing my own novel is a super long process, it's also very satisfying because it's my own idea, which makes it my baby. But... when I'm editing someone else's story, the love is a little bit different because I can't change or alter their story since it's their vision. All I can do is enhance it by polishing up the spelling, grammer, and maybe... maybe... maybe rearranging certain scenes in a different order so that their story flows a little bit better.

What I'm learning, however, is that I SHOULD put as much TLC into someone else's story when I edit because that's what I'd want my editor to do for mine. The last thing a writer wants is to send their story off to an editor and it comes back disfigured. So, as I take on this new project, editing an Anthology compiled of other women's stories, I keep in mind that every short story is someone's baby. And so my job as an editor is not to change anything, but to clean it up - give their story a shape up sort of speak.

If you ask me what I prefer, editing someone else's work or writing my own story, I'll say that I prefer writing my own story while drinking a cup of cafe con leche. (caliente) And while there are other writers who enjoy editing other author's stories more than writing their own, there will always be die hard tea drinkers whose taste buds prefer herbal tea drinks over coffee any day. Neither one is better than the other; because it's sort of the same difference.

Check out my Co-Hosting skills!

NEW BEGINNINGS

Online Radio Talk Show With Dhylles

NYC based life coach, Dhylles Davis, hosts her own radio talk show "NEW BEGINNINGS" with Co-host (singer/songwriter) Jasmine Clemente on www.nitelineradio.com In this segment they interview beauty pageant winner, Iris Soto, and wellness health coach, Kalyea Moss, about their experiences, opinions, and advice on maintaining vitality, optimism, grace, and compassion in an unpredictable life. Together, all 4 women discuss this and more, as they laugh about female sexism, raising children, touch on world current events, and share details about their personal passion projects & accomplishments.

 

Live Music Supported by Female Entrepreneurs

 W.I.N.E. 

(Women's Networking Emporium) 

They say that Brooklyn is the new Manhattan... Umm Hmm.. Uh, pretty much ;) With so many artists and cool venues, shows, thrift shops, and booming businesses, these neighborhoods are becoming home to some fortunate souls, especially artists that need the energy of the city, but still not as chaotic as Manhattan. In addition, there's a new company emerging founded by female entrepreneur, Jackie Melendez, Womens Networking Emporium, looking to support, encourage, and build a community of strong women whether they be entertainers, real estate agents, developers, marketers, corporate giants, and/or any kind of leader making a difference for our future. 

Edwin Vazquez Musica & Jasmine Clemente

Jasmine Clemente

One of their first major events was, "Under The Tent", at the Restoration Plaza where they showcased various independent artist (men & women) at a fabulous summer out-door location. I must say, the sound system & microphone was amazing!!! Which I thankfully appreciate because as an entertainer myself, venues don't always carry the best equipments. Most of the time, audiences don't realize what the issues are backstage that contribute or effect a show, but I assure you, having the right equipment is a major aspect to every spectacle! 

Fun times indeed! I sang two of my latest songs, "Everything You Need", which I have a music video for, and "Soul Mate" which was just released on a South African record label. Among the artists were Edwin Vazquez Musica, SOSOON, and more, plus Evan Ginzburg of Legends Radio was in the house filming the event! If you missed it, make sure to visit their next showcase on Oct 19th, 2013 for another good time!

Warding Off The Evil Eye (As An Entertainer or Public Figure)

Do you believe in warding off evil spirits? Or do you think this kind of language is hocus-pocus? All I can say is that as an artist, I've been taking time out for myself lately to re-prioritize everything about my environment so that my art is coming from my higher, authentic self instead of from peer pressure to sell units by means of going against my true spirit.

It's a difficult balance to achieve. Sort of like the yin and yang. Where there is light, there are shadows and so we'd be foolish to ignore that instead of embracing and understanding it. If we are to appreciate a warm day, then we have to experience a cold day, therefore, embracing both sides of good and evil are necessary because both polarities exist in a world of duality. What does this have to do with being a successful artist? Everything.

There's a reason why they say, "What good is it for someone to gain the world and yet lose his soul in it?" At all times it is essential to stay grounded and level headed about who you are as a person. Popularity and fame can really get to ones head, which is why and how so many great artists experience hard losses and steep falls after making it to the top. To each their own, but I personally feel that one should never lose touch with their spiritual side (drowning out their intuitive & divine inner voice) to feed their impulses and adrenaline in the materialistic realm. How can our art, our music, our films, our work, and our messages lift up the human spirit & spark emotions to inspire if we "ourselves" are not in alignment with our higher self and the greater plan?

What's the greater plan, you might ask? No man is an island, although sometimes we forget that every decision we make is backed up by our actions which cause a ripple effect in the universe. What we do effects people around us - whether it's good or bad, great or horrible! Thus, because we are all connected to each other, it's important to be awake and conscious of what messages our art is sending, especially when artists (public figures) are influencing large audiences. Doesn't it make sense that if you we're created with a gift to "share" and grab the attention of an audience, then that must mean you are part of a greater plan? A plan to move people, to inspire people, to speak to people, to entertain people, to effect their mood and emotional well-being when your music is making them dance (if it's invigorating) or relax (if it's soothing). There is power in one person being able to command an audiences attention on stage - especially during a long concert!

With that being said, as we artists intract with the public by shaking hands, taking pictures after shows, being interviewed by journalists, and engaging with crowds during our performances, it's important to shield ourselves from possible negative energy because we don't know what people are releasing in those moments. (As I mentioned earlier, we'd be foolish to ignore the fact that light & darkness coexist in a world of duality) There are psychic debris whether we realize it or not. Thus, even us as artists are not perfect individuals either, and so we should be responsible with the kind of energy that we are giving off to the crowd. Are we suggesting that people beat each other up with our song lyrics, break families apart for one night of lust with the wrong person, or convince others that living selfishly according to our narcissistic egotistic lifestyles is cool? There's already enough music on the radio sending out messages with their strong, vibrational frequency, hypnotizing people under the influence of a good rhythm and catchy hook that when sung over and over, becomes as powerful as chanting. As I mentioned before, to each their own. But I'd like to think that as we tap into a higher power, pray often, and consider the fact that our decisions does effect others, that we use our talents to empower one another and truly make our mark in society as real artists that people respect.

Not every song or act may be conscious. Art is art. Therefore, part of what makes it special is that we don't censor the truth which sometimes isn't so positive. Sometimes we must purge and vent our frustrations through our music to make a point that something is disturbing or painful. Music and film has always been instrumental to revolutionary movements and even political or religious renaissance. Why stop now? I'm simply suggesting that it is more spiritually fulfilling to be a leader than a follower with your craft. Remember, it's your creation! That's why you are the artist. You are the painter, the composer, the director of your own image, career and destiny. So embrace all parts of yourself and stay authentic. Know that people will try to push and pull at you from all angels to make certain business decisions whether it's to market you according to their vision or sell units according to what they think will earn an immediate income. I say pray on all that you do, and make sure that you are proud of your work because after all, you were born (created) by something bigger than you & I with a purpose - which is part of a greater plan!

No More Sugar Coating; Let's Be Real

How many times can one reinvent the self? Is it only at obvious, pivotal points such as after high school graduation, after thirty, after a divorce, after a recovery from an illness or major life crisis? Or is going through transformation a personal thing that is a unique experience for everyone?

For the most part, I know who I am and I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm in my early thirties, I'm building a creative career that I love, I'm family oriented, I'm happily single and have amazing friends, and I love my apartment, including my pets! Mmmmm.... That sounds real nice, but it's not all true! Let the fun begin....

Although I love getting older and wiser, in my profession, (an artist singer/songwriter) women are expected to lie about their true age by saying that their much younger. "Knock off at least five years when you reveal your age", they say. So if I'm 32, I should make people believe that I'm 27. How insulting!!! I think, anyway. In my opinion, telling people your age is like telling people your ethnicity to be accepted by some group or audience. What it suggests is that they need to see how they will market & sell you to a specific demographic, and so if you can't be fit into a box that guarantees an audience's attention, then it's too risky to work with you. In other words, they need guarantees. And with younger girls (singers), they have more time to experiment with them, they're easier to manipulate and follow direction, and they appear more attractive, therefore have more longevity in the sex appeal department. Nevertheless, I hate lying about my age so I tend to keep it a secret. Although I'm getting quite sick of repressing my true self when I should be proud to be healthy, happy, and fabulous in my early thirties. Why lie about that?

Secondly... I mentioned that I'm building a career that I love... Well, yes, that's true. I love being creative. But I don't love how people step on toes to get to where they want to be. It really takes time before a persons true colors show. And after all, business is business - so they say. In fact, the higher up the ladder one climbs, the more one must take their time before saying "Yes" to presenting opportunities because they get trickier and more deceptive. Not to mention, the political relationships that you must nurture because if you piss off the wrong person, the consequences have a ripple effect that can last for a very long time. What's sadder, is that you can be a 100%, absolutely right!!! But it doesn't matter if you're right, because people don't want to burn bridges with certain influential power players, (who although they may be manipulative, cut throat & greedy) they still want a relationship with them! A slave to the master, if you will.

Here's one of my favorites! I said that I'm family oriented. Oh yes... I definitely am. But there are certain relatives whom I ADORE TO THE CORE (heart & soul), but then there are those who have been so toxic to my spirit, that they've literally infected my well being with stress & trauma. I don't hate them because I understand some of the reasons behind their personal spiritual battles, but I learned a valuable lesson: you can't get sick enough to heal someone else... (Quote from Dr. Wayne W. Dyer) Therefore, remove yourself from toxic environments so that you can heal yourself, even if that means staying away from certain family members who bring you down. Abuse of any form is never acceptable. So connect only with the relatives that empower you and forget about the ones who don't. They have their own journey to take.

Okay... Then I mentioned how I'm happily single and have wonderful friends!!! I have to laugh out loud for this one! Hahahaha... There, I got it off my chest! That's it...

No, I'm kidding. There's more. I highly love the friends I've built relationships with, but is it just me, or is it easier to maintain friendships than romantic relationships? Gosh... They're so much work. And the older I get, the less patience I have to stick around. I bask in my freedom, I love my alone time, and I even get things done faster and more efficiently when I do them alone. Or have I just gotten so used to being single, that I'm scared to share my time with someone? I've even feared the worst: Am I becoming overly judge mental? How can I learn to truly love another human being in a romantic relationship if I'm not sure if whether my standards are too high or too low? Where do I draw the line of compromise? And how do I find balance between giving and receiving? (Don't wanna be a doormat, but don't wanna be selfish either) I'm so used to having long conversations with the ladies, drinking wine and eating out, that they have substituted my need for a companion. As in... The opposite sex companion. Is that okay? Or am I missing something?

Last but not least... I mentioned how I love my apartment & my pets. Well yes!!! I've painted the kitchen walls lavender, and the living room is a sandy beige. I have wall pictures of colorful & exotic flowers, I have a hanging plant, bamboo window shades, pretty vases and a book shelf with my favorite titles. So my home is definitely cozy and suits my personality. (And I never put on my living room light because I only use my floor lamp & candles for a dim effect) But I fear... That as much as I squeeze & kiss my cats all day long, that I am suffocating them with my love because I live alone. Lol... It sounds funny but I'm not sure if it is. Shit, even they have each other! Yep, I have two cats that I adopted with my ex-boyfriend in Los Angeles, CA five years ago. When we split up, I brought the cats back with me to New York because I'm their mother, and there was no way I was parting ways with them. Since then, I've spent many holidays with them, Christmas, New Years, my birthday, and even Valentines Day! And what's crazy, is that one of the first things I ask guys on a date is, "Are you allergic to cats?" Because if they are, we might have a problem. Since the kitties are a part of my package ;) So... What makes a house (or an apartment) a home? The answer is simple: Love - starting with self-love... and in my case, my love has overflowed into my cats which makes us a family.

Now... Back to this spiritual transformational thingy. Since lately I've been a little unsatisfied with certain things in my life, I'm beginning to yearn for a change. An inner change. And I don't quite know how I'm going to embark on this adventure, but I do believe it starts with facing some of my fears and doing things that might make me feel a little uncomfortable. Isn't that a part of growth? First off, believe it or not, revealing my age in this blog was a little uncomfortable for me, partly because I don't work by myself and other people may have wanted me to keep my age a secret. Yes, the decisions I make effect other people too. But for Christ's sake!!! Why should a woman have to be ashamed of her age when it should be a celebration? And secondly, I've learned that the power of forgiveness is miraculous however, it takes two to forgive. So when it comes to dealing with relatives, if there are certain family members (1 or more) who are still holding grudges or haven't changed their ways, I no longer take full responsibility in trying to fix or heal a situation single handedly on my own. The only person I am responsible for is myself because I can't choose for other people. The choice is up to the individual. And my home... Well, lets just say that sometimes moving into a new neighborhood, a new city, or even with a new person can make all the difference in the world. I think I feel a change coming... And I think day by day, the universe is preparing me for it. What about you?

When our childhood has unfinished business

Watching Disney movies as a kid made me believe that perfect families existed. Or at least it gave me hope of what a healthy relationship looked like between relatives, friends, and companions. But today, as a single woman living in NYC, I've been learning that there is truly a thin line between living a perfect (fantasy) life, and embracing the life you naturally have, just perfectly (and realistically) fine.

I grew up an only child until my mother remarried and had my sister when I was thirteen. Before then, I lived in a house where I sat alone in my bed, listening to my parents argue on the floor below me. Most couples argue, which is nothing new. And by the time my parents sat me down to tell me that they were splitting, (I was 9 years old) a part of me was mature enough to accept it and adjust quickly to the change.

A few years later, after she remarried and had another baby, I grew extremely attached to my little sister who idolized me and yearned for my big sister affection. Having such a big age difference, I became somewhat of a second mother since I fed her bottles, changed her diapers, and gave her cute bubble baths when I was about fifteen. Nevertheless, although I had a ball with my kid sis - taking cute baby pictures, dancing in the living room together, and watching (YES!) watching Disney Cartoons with her when I'd baby sit, I always had this inner feeling of an overwhelming amount of responsibility. With my stepfather's relatives coming over for family dinners and holidays, I had subconsciously felt like an outsider who was living in my mothers house with her family, never really feeling like it was my home. I felt more like a string-along who had to fit into my mothers world, while I visited my real father & his family, (and even my mothers family) on my own time - separately.

Fast forward to today... I know plenty of adults who live perfectly normal, healthy, and rewarding lives that come from divorcees. But sometimes, I honestly can't help but wonder if my growing up the way I did has influenced why I'm still single. Maybe... Maybe not... As an artist, I love building a career that's creatively & emotionally charged, although I'm getting a little tired of thinking that its a "singles" career. Artists have such a spontaneous lifestyle - constantly meeting different faces whether its a fan or a potential business opportunity, doing shows for different audiences in different places, recording music or writing song lyrics at all times of the night, that the nature of show business can be pretty freedom-loving. It's very rare that you see power couples who stand the test of time, but there are a FEW! One of the most popular ones are Will & Jada Pinkett Smith; also Emilio & Gloria Estefan. Lord knows that I'd love to pick their brain about how they've remained glued together for all these years.

And for the single people who are artists, (or whatever profession their in) who have built a beautiful life, I wonder what their definition of home is? By no means am I suggesting a co-dependent relationship because there's absolutely nothing wrong with being single! (We should all be comfortable with being our own best friend; self love is divine) but isn't it true that everyone needs a support system? Call it a family if you will, or a team... Or a circle of friends. But everyone needs a group of people that they can depend on. No?

I definitely have a nice circle of professional team members who I've formed a beautiful bond with. Certain music producers, photographers, editors, fashion stylists, jewelry designers, video directors and so on who I work with but also trust, confide in, and share special moments with such as birthday celebrations and so on... But I'm just hoping that I don't remain too chicken shit for too long when it comes to matters of the heart. One thing I vowed is to never go through a divorce. Some people have no problem jumping into marriage because they don't wanna live with regret. So they'd rather try and fail then to never try at all. Well, I can't see myself treating marriage as a test. But I also don't wanna think that living in a bubble (by myself) is easier, safer, and more fulfilling. Although relationships are not perfect (Thanks Disney!) I wouldn't trade creating a love nest for a life of playing it safe, single. I also won't rush such a sacred commitment like marriage for the sake of tying the knot. In fact, perhaps becoming perfectly fine with the life I already have will attract the right companion (who doesn't need a title, or an obligation, or an expected result to come from it), because a little bit of love can go a long way...

As far as feeling like the outcast when I was younger goes... (and I left a lot of stuff out) Family has more to do with unity and togetherness, trust and love, understanding and forgiveness, then it has to do with blood - or having a document ie. marriage certificate. Because real love can be found in the rarest of places with the people you least expect, over time, with memories built, and when spontaneity (the magic of life) is let in.

Does art imitate life, or does life imitate art? What would family guy say? Lol